the one where I build a life that feels like mine

i'm trying to reflect on my year without oversharing too much. happy new year everybody!

Dear reader,

I’ve been filling my diary with December resolutions and yearly reflections, and today, my friend (cc

i.cramée

) inspired me to finally share my thoughts with the public. So, here goes:

A year ago, that same friend introduced me to Substack, and I decided to write one essay per week. I was too excited for the new year to wait, so I began in December. My first post was about my resolutions and reflections, just as I’ve always done in my diary. That marked the beginning of my journey as an actual type-A person.

A typical December used to go like this: I’d panic about how little I had accomplished, look back on the year and only remember fragments, and then judge myself harshly for being stagnant and redundant. I’ve always aspired to be organized, set achievable goals, and commit to them. But here’s the problem: I often set unreasonable expectations and adopt an "all or nothing" mindset. If I missed one habit, I’d give up entirely. This publication, however, helped me break that cycle.

Committing to one publication a week taught me to express my thoughts fully. I was scared to post on the internet because I felt like I had a limited amount of ideas to write about and would soon run out of things to say. I was, in fact, correct. But that pushed me to feed my mind with new ideas, and new inspirations to provide more content.

While I couldn’t really post weekly all year, I went above and beyond in other areas. I learned to recognize when my brain was spiraling and I learned how to declutter my mind. I learned how to commit to goals when I had the energy while being disciplined enough to do the bare minimum on unmotivated days. When I didn’t post on Substack, I wrote in my diary instead.

Over the past year, I’ve undergone immense personal growth. Ever since I finished my studies, I feel like a different person altogether. Perhaps it’s my frontal lobe developing, but tackling difficult tasks feels so much easier now. I can commit to working out when I didn’t even dream of it before. I can go to a waxing appointment when I used to be terrified of even getting waxed at home. I can explore seemingly intimidating software, and after years of avoiding Notion and feeling overwhelmed every time I tried one of its templates, I finally brainstormed a life management system and created it there. Everything feels clearer now, I’ve become more confident and grounded, and I’m no longer paralyzed by the fear of change—well, maybe just a little less paralyzed.

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I achieved so many things that I thought were impossible for me. Most of them were mundane habits that I could never stick to. I was so sick of myself. I couldn’t maintain any healthy habits for more than a few days. My life consisted of random bursts of motivation where I overdid everything, followed by fatigue that kept me in bed for days. If I told you what I’ve accomplished and what I’m proud of, you’d think I have the lowest expectations for myself. But I had to lay the groundwork to improve later. I had to hit reset and create a solid foundation.

This year, I took my end-of-year reset more seriously than ever. I began by actually reflecting on my year. I reviewed my goals and wrote them down. I reflected on each goal and I came to the realization that I, indeed, accomplished more than those goals. I found myself grateful for everything I was able to do, and I had a clear idea of how to improve for the next year. I was grateful because I was finally able to recognize and celebrate my wins instead of putting myself down for not doing as much as the others did.

Instead of making a list of random goals this year, I created a Goal Tracking system on Notion, divided by life areas, goals, and tasks. I covered as many aspects of my life as I could, then assigned each goal a specific task to check off throughout the year.

When I finally gave Notion a chance, it wasn’t because I had more time or energy. I was just tired of feeling disorganized. Instead of downloading someone else’s template and feeling insecure because I wasn’t tech-savvy enough to set up databases and automations, I decided to create a simple system that worked for me. I started with a blank page and asked myself, “What do I really need?” I brainstormed everything I wanted and filtered out the things I already knew how to do. Once the first draft was done, I built the parts that required more research, step by step, until I was satisfied.

Looking back, I realize the problem wasn’t my motivation—it was my strategy. I used to set goals that felt more like miracles, and I expected myself to excel at them from the get-go. This year, I learned to pace myself. Instead of creating systems that only worked during peak performance, I focused on what to do on low-energy days. I ensured consistent progress, no matter how small.

This year taught me that growth doesn’t have to be loud or dramatic. Often, it’s about quiet consistency and small, deliberate steps forward. My growth is still a work in progress, but this year gave me a strong foundation to build upon. Here’s to another year of progress. I wish you all the best in all your endeavors, dear reader.